Self-indulgent musings of a social retard.

You know that Santana/Eagle Eye Cherry song "Wishing it Was?" The chorus, "Pain never makes me cry but happiness does..." has been going through my head all day. I hate getting songs stuck in my head.

I have come to the realization that I'm a sucky friend. My best friend told me that she's pregnant. She and her husband are ecstatic.

A little background: she and I discovered we were pregnant at the same time, literally within two days of each other, back in 1994. I (obviously)decided to stay pregnant. She didn't. For many reasons.

Flash forward to January 2001. She calls to say she thinks she's pregnant. Happy happy. Turns out to be an ectopic pregnancy. Thank god she found out before her fallopian tube burst and she died.

So, she went to the doctor yesterday for an ultrasound to make sure the embryo is implanted in her uterus this time. It is, thankfully.

Here's the sucky friend part. Why am I not happier for her? I have an idea, but before I put it here, I want to formulate it more completely in my mind (so as not to sound like a complete asshole.)

Have my Judaism class tonight. Jesus (Ha! No pun intended, REALLY!) It won't be over until March. I haven't had to study anything in a very long time. It's really hard for me. My discipline is for shit (to paraphrase a line from the Breakfast Club - and if you got that, you're cool with me!)

The folks in the class are great though. Bink goes with me every week, and tonight the rabbi is bringing a cake for her birthday. So sweet.

<<|>>

mail�notes�guestmap