Self-indulgent musings of a social retard.

Jamie's band played in town last night, and he didn't call me to let me know. I'm not stupid. I know why he didn't. It doesn't hurt any less though. Missing him is hard. Out of sight out of mind? I wish. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Damn it.

I wrote him a letter a while ago that I know I'll never send. An excerpt:

I've got my version of you in my head and a lot of the things you do support my version of you but that doesn't mean they are you. And you seem to like it that way. I made a small attempt to show you some of me but it didn't feel very good so I changed my mind. I'd love to bring you into me where all the sweet stuff is...but there's a lot of other things in there too so you'd have to be interested in that. People come and go all the time, there's no crime in that. One thing's for sure, it sure did kick my ass to have reknown you for those few months. I have the greatest respect for anything that doesn�t bore me to tears even if it�s fucking me up. Anyway, I'm around�you do whatever makes sense to you, but please don't ride on my desire for you. You need to have your own and if you don't then you shouldn't call me. And if nothing here makes any sense to you than we are farther off from each other than I even thought. I'm not sure what else to say, it seemed important to say something. With much respect and affection,

I'm such a wuss. I'm not exactly sure what it is I fear. Rejection? Well, he's already rejected me. So i guess it's the prospect of even more.

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